the light is the key - conclusion

On Wednesday, March 3rd, we decided to follow my friend's advice and let Kapria cry it out at night. And what happened?

Here's the email I sent Julie that night:

10:25 pm
I did what you suggested, and Kapria freaked out. Crying, screaming, angry that she couldn’t turn the light on. After 20 minutes, I went in, picked up her sobbing self, hugged her and put her back in bed. Then I closed the door and she jumped up and started screaming again.

But before 20 minutes had gone by again, she had fallen asleep. (I have a feeling she’s sleeping on the floor by the door right now.)

So we’ll see how this night goes…

And guess what? She slept through the night! This was a first in months. Months, I tell you. She did so great, she earned a sticker on her nice chart the next morning. She was so proud of herself.

She did wake up on Thursday night in the middle of the night, screaming and crying. I went in and calmed her and sang a song, and she went back to sleep. But since that night, she has hardly woken up. She goes to bed great, and I know it's because Trav and I are sticking to the routine. It is the same no matter who puts her to bed. Since she knows what to expect, and knows how we'll react, she doesn't get up to bang on the door or cry and scream.
____________

Since that week, Kapria has woken up crying in the middle of the night a couple times - maybe three at the most. I comfort her (snuggle and hugs) and put her back in bed and sing her a song. It takes less than five minutes, and she's out again.

So we have a happy, sleeping child who goes to bed great and sleeps through the night.
And when she wakes up every morning, the first thing she tells me is, "I had a good nap, Mom!"

Yes you did, my baby. Yes you did.

the light is the key

Remember when we were going through some sleepless nights because we had one little person who liked to turn on the light? And cry? And kick the door? And throw fits?

I was talking to my good friend Julie at work, and I said, "She turns on the light and won't go to sleep."
And Julie said, "Unscrew the lightbulb."
I stared at her.
Why hadn't I thought of that?
She said, "You need to give her tough love. It will be hard, but you need to teach her how to go to sleep without you. And it will be worth it."
Then she proceeded to tell me what she did with her kids.

When I got home, Trav was home with the girls, and Nicole and the boys were visiting.
"Guess what Julie told me to do?" I said.
"What?" they asked.
"Unscrew the lightbulb."
They both looked at me with what I can only guess is the same dumbfounded look I gave Julie not an hour earlier.
"I feel dumb," Trav said.
"Why didn't we think of that?" Nicole said.
"It's because you're in the throes of it," Julie had reassured me.
Yeah, but still.

Not only did we not think of unscrewing the lightbulb at night, but we didn't even think of the fact that we have a ceiling fan light in every room - including Kapria's - and it comes with a pull chain to turn the light on and off.

Boy, we all felt sheepish.

But thanks to Julie, we were reminded. And we did have a good laugh. So, now we have a way to keep the light off. But what about the fits?

She suggested sticking to the routine. Which we were really good at for Kapria's first 18 months of life, but then - for whatever reason (okay, I have an idea on the reasons, but more on those some other time) - we had started allowing that routine to have "one more."

"One more book, Mommy."
"One more song, Mommy."

I am convinced that the curse of "One More" was our downfall (more on the reasons why in a later post as well).

So we decided to stick to the routine, which is this:

Pajamas
Brush teeth
Read 2 stories
Say prayer & goodnight
Go in bedroom, turn on fan, turn off light
Lay her in bed
Close the door
Sing 2 songs
Say goodnight
Go out and shut the door

If she cried, we were to leave her for 20 minutes.
After 20 minutes, one of us should go in, put her back in bed, tell her "Goodnight, I love you. See you in the morning," then go back out and shut the door.

If she continued crying, we were to wait 20 more minutes, then repeat the above.

"Be prepared for it to last all night. It might take a few days, but it will be worth it. I promise," Julie had said.

So that night, on March 3rd, we did as she instructed.

mom gems

I’ve mentioned before that I love what I do and where I work. A big reason is because I work with amazing people who have become great friends. I started writing down the little things that I picked up from one of my coworkers (Julie) as she and I talk about our families, being a mom, working, etc. She is an amazing mom and when she would mention this or that about her kids, I wanted to remember it and do that for my kids. I also got her to email me some more. I wanted to make note of them somewhere, and this is the best place. I’m going to add to this list as I pick up Mom Gems.

Mom Gems

• Dance in the kitchen with hubby & kids.
• Take photos of your kids’ favorite things each year; these have become a family favorite.
• Build forts even when you think the kids are too old to enjoy them—they never are.
• Don’t forget to hold your kids, ESPECIALLY, when they are too big to hold. It is getting to the point now that I just sit on their laps and let them hold me.
• Talk to them, from the day they are born as if they are 23 years old, and make sure you pause and wait for them to answer. They catch on very quickly that you are waiting for them to respond and learn that you are/will listen to them. Lifelong communication is the key.
• Yell for your kids to come to you when you have good news, a treat, to see something wonderful out the window or to express random acts of love and kindness MORE than you yell at them to come because they are in trouble, they forgot something or general negative reasons. Then they come running the first time you call them because they have no idea what is up.

Do you have any Mom Gems to share?